All posts filed under: Musings

Tomorrow, he is two

Dear C, Tomorrow, you’d be two. In preparation for this monumental event that I’d be missing due to starting a new job and before I sat down to write this letter, I went back and read what I wrote last year. I didn’t leave you much words of wisdom last year, because I was overwhelmed at being a godmother. The second year of your life has been wonderful. We went to Osaka where you shared bread with your Godpa, laughed at our silly faces, cling on to us when Mama and Papa went to have their turn on the roller-coaster rides and your silly little giggles. I’ve also seen you at least once a quarter in the last year and for that, I am grateful. You’re amazing, my dear baby boy. I’m glad that I could really watch and see you develop your personality over the last year, both in person, via FaceTime and with constant updates from your Mama daily. It amazes me at how well you could count, the way you say “bumpy …

Currently | September Edition

Quote of the month | Doesn’t matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point: All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward, it’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up. – Grey’s Anatomy Reading When I’m gone – Emily Bleeker. This is one of those books that got me all tied up in an emotional mess. How I wished my mum had left more letters, reading about cancer and the pains of the treatment takes me back. It’s so hard to read, yet, I couldn’t put this book down. Listening to video of Shila Amzah singing one of my favourite Jay Chou song. It’s a song that is really hard to nail and you really need to pronounce every single word to really get it. Gosh! I’m loving her rendition. Feeling really emotionally drained. …

Growing up with C | 23 Months

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” – Shel Silverstein “He’s awake, just swing by.” Those 5 words got us jumping out of bed, ignoring our own fatigue. “Quickly! Book an Uber and get there before he gets grumpy”, B urged me as we left home. “Hi Auntie! We’re here! Nice to see you again” Inside, the little one spotted and scrambled to safety (hiding behind mummy). We were strange faces despite the constant Whatsapp Video calls weekly, in all honesty, I wouldn’t blame him for feeling frightened. “Who’s that?” “Godma…. Godpa!” When those words were uttered, B’s face lit up like a child who got the present he wanted for Christmas. I won’t deny it, those little words makes my heart swell up every time I hear them. Eventually, we started play time and C proceeded to stuff us with watermelon and strawberries that he loves. When we …

One Tuesday Morning

It is Tuesday morning. I had slept horribly the night before, and awoke to the soft light streaming through the window into the room. The only sound is that of the fan blade spin above the bed. It feels like I am the only person in the house. I lay in bed, surrounded by my own thoughts. It was the last full day I was going to spend with C before he heads back to Australia. Soon after, outside my room, I can hear C awake and running along the corridor saying “Godma…” He knocks on the room door and bounces in, fresh from a good night’s sleep. With much excitement, he tugs my hand and pulls me out to play in the living room. He is sparkling with energy and looks absolutely cute. We sat on the living room floor playing pretend with the little “dollhouse”, hide and seek with the dolls. He points to the new book that we got him, and we turned pushed the tractor around the book’s track. We giggle, …

Currently | August Edition

Quote of the month | “Hold on to your values, never forget them and allow yourself to compromise. Remember always that whilst money is essential for survival, it’s not everything. There’s always going to be burn outs, challenges, learning curve and politics, but how you handle it defines you. Don’t let situations define how you react, take control and remember to always pray” – I wrote this quote to as a reminder to myself whilst I am at a huge crossroad in my life. Listening  to a beautiful blend of one of my favourite Ed Sheeran song with Pachelbel’s Canon. If I could, I would get married again just for this to be played on my wedding day. Grateful that in just 9 days, I’d get to spend some precious time with my best friend and God-son. Technology has also made it easier for me to talk to my best friend without worrying about costs especially when I’m going through a rough patch in my life. Learning to cope with the fact that what we want in life …

Being a God-Parent

There’s something special about having a child who is a part of your life in a huge way, one where you’re not a half-sibling or an aunt, but rather, one where the kid calls you “Godma”. Their growth and milestones brings unlimited amounts of joy even when 2427 miles separates you from them. While the guilt of being remote gets to me at times, I am grateful for the daily videos, photos and the conversations with my best friend (C’s mama) about his growth. Being able to travel with him to Japan last year was a pure joy, where we took him across the region doing fun things like stroll through the gardens, wander through USJ and pulling the child-switch so that we can all ride on rollercoasters. C’s really good with us, and it shows during those child-switch times where he plays and interacts with Ben. Often times, when I do get to spend time with C in person once every quarter, I fear failing at the parenting job. I’ve got to admit that …

Currently | May Edition

Researching: on the styles I would want for our new house. There are too many things that I love, but I know it wouldn’t be practical for my place. Planning: for my upcoming trip to Japan with my family. I’m feeling a little nervous as it’s been almost 8 years since I’ve traveled with them. My traveling styles has changed greatly since I was a teenager and that makes me nervous, especially when my father is often critical of my choices. Coping: with jetlag and the humidity after the glorious sunshine & cooling weather in London. The 25 degrees Celsius change in temperature has really made my body scream in horror. Celebrating: B’s very first business trip with his new company, and it goes without saying, I tagged along and made a trip out of it. I am really happy to have met some of the people he works with and I do like them quite a fair bit. Loving: the wonderful time that I’ve had in the UK on my own, wandering through the streets of various …