Month: July 2018

Overcast

Peak hour and the trains are filled with people rushing from point to point, glued to their phones and a cabin filled with silence. With my earphones plugged in, and classical music filling the air, I stare out of the train windows enjoying the last of the sunset that peaks through the overcast skies. It hasn’t been an easy day at work, in fact, it was nothing short of an inbox filled with a thousand emails and discouragement. I went through as much as I could, but it never felt like it was enough. “Would S be upset if I don’t get through these emails and the task at hand?” “Why am I not getting to the bottom of these emails? I feel really useless.” Then, I am reminded of the quote that reminds me that the glass is always half full. However you choose to view it really determines the outcome. Worry does not empty tomorrow of it’s sorrows. It empties today of strength. 3 weeks is a really long time outside of the …

A glimpse of fear

It was Monday, a week to the day that I return to work. The nightmares started all over again, the same one that plagued me until I decided to take the sabbatical. It was the taunting nightmare that tried to remind me that I wasn’t good enough for the job, one where I would return and be immediately pulled under. I woke up shuddering, and I wondered if it was all true. I took a sip of the cool water with the flu medicine that I needed for week long flu and sleep overcomes me. As I was heading to catch up with my workplace BFF – Chris, the commute has brought me back to a conversation that I had with a friend – Krys. “You know the answers to your problems, but the only issue is your lack of confidence and sometimes, you don’t need anyone else’s advice. You really needed to just ramble” It brought me back years in time. We were young and I was facing a lot of issues back then. …

It’s all too much

It was three weeks prior to my sabbatical. I returned to my desk after doing a short coffee break in the pantry and returned to my emails piling up. I am usually rather quick at this, but that day I felt really tired, and the task of responding to emails seems irrationally overwhelming. My mind was tired, my body exhausted, and the world felt like it was closing in on me. It is all too much. I struggled to my feet, wincing at the pain of the onsetting migraine and pushed past colleagues who were streaming into the room and stumbled down the corridor to the nearest bathroom, just as the tears erupted. I collapse into the corner, sobbing, and curling myself up into a ball. I had enough, I wanted a way out. For a while, I struggled with myself like a petulant child wanting to leave a game that was lost. In that moment, I knew what I needed to do – Slow down and rest or risk total burn out. * * …