Musings
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The Solitude in Words

The rays of the golden hour gently warming up my skin, frosted from the wintery cold of the office, as I strolled towards the nearest train station. Guilty of the act of simply scrolling through my social media channels, I took the chance to look up from my screen to take in the urban landscape before me.

Jazz music playing softly through my earphones as I stumbled through the crowds across 2 varying train lines to make my way back to home. It’s been a tough couple of months at work, and my spirits has been really worn thin. The shroud of negative energy from my team rubs off easily on me and all I could do was seek solace in words. Words I’ve written years ago when I was equally worn out, they proved to be a timely reminder that things would eventually get better once we are well adjusted.

“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and mind as you create your own path towards happiness; don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes, because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breathe and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.”

– Everwood

As I retraced the steps I’ve taken thousands of times home, to the place where I spent 15 years of my life. To the home where I’ve spent countless hours by the pool staring up into the light polluted sky to seek out the stars, the endless swim sessions with my neighbors, long study sessions at the Guttensohn’s, midnight conversations and the long walks to the bus stop with Wiam.

My mum used to ask me what is the definition of a home, and for years, I’ve pondered over it, never truly contemplating the real reason for her questions. Until recently, when my home of 15 years went onto the market for sale, did it hit me hard. Home is where you’re comfortable and feel safe. It is a place where you could cry freely without any concern, it holds a fortress of memories built overtime, and most importantly, it is where you would want your kids to grow up in.

Over the years, I’ve traveled throughout the world in search of answers. Seeking solitude in the foreign environment, moving on when familiarity / hardship sinks in and never wanting to look back. Yet, I’ve always gone home, to recover, renew my spirits and start again. This is where the purest place my heart has, where my hope lives, and where I begin the journey of finding my way again.

 

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